The fat cell monster and the troll in my stomach

With my last baby, I gained 70 pounds.  After a lot of running and trying to eat healthily, I actually lost it all... about a week before I got pregnant again.  Seriously.  Seriously?  Aaaawwww man!  I was actually in the middle of one of those paid entry weight loss support group contests when I found out I was preggo.  I was determined to continue my active healthy lifestyle as long as possible.

Big sigh....

That lasted about a week before I succumbed to nausea, fatigue, appetite, weight gain, and reality.
I had every good intention!  Why didn't it work?!  Because of two little tidbits I forgot about: 

1) When you're pregnant, you'll do anything to feel better, even if only for just a few minutes.  Including eating whatever appeals to a queasy stomach, all day long, nonstop.  Cursed food! 

2) Hormones rule, not good intentions.  I do not control my hormones.  And by the fifth go around, my body just knows what to do with it all...  It packs it on, nonstop.  I swear my fat cells have a straw, sucking up every morsel that's available and clinging to it, the monsters!  Cursed hormones and fat cells!

In a matter of 3 months, I undid two year's worth of healthy habits.  Instead of training for a half marathon, I'm going for a personal best in weight gain. Starting with a 25 pound gain for the first trimester.  That's gotta be some kind of record!  It looks like I'm 6 months pregnant already!  Crap.

It's not for lack of wanting to be in control.  I wake up every single morning thinking "I can control what I eat," yada-yada-yada. 
15 minutes later, I'm going to pass out if I don't eat something, and I'm absolutely STARVING. 
A big hearty breakfast later, and I'm ok... for maybe an hour.
Then I get that gnawing queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that only stops when actively putting something into it.  And it doesn't go away.  And I want it to go away.  So I munch.
Then lunchtime comes around and I'm absolutely STARVING.  So I go to Kneaders and get a turkey-bacon-avocado sandwich for lunch, finished off with a giant cinnamon roll.
Better.
Until that gnawing thing comes back like a troll in my stomach and I feel just plain sick, and I want to curl up in a ball and disappear, but I can't, so I do what I can to make the troll disappear.  I eat, whatever sounds good at the moment (and that's a whole different topic!)

This continues for the rest of the day until I plop into bed, exhausted from my battles with the fat cell monster and the troll in my stomach.