Monday, September 9, 2013

Cramping My Style

What in the world are pregnant women supposed to wear to feel comfy yet cool and stylish???

Problem #1:
Everything in the closet is too tight.
My so called comfy pants and exercise pants are my number one go-to article of clothing, everyday, anyday. However, they now sport dimples and bulges, and every time I sit down I either can't breathe or feel like I'm going to hurl. So I sit around with my hand in my waistband, pulling my pants outwards. And these include my "fat pants" from pregnancies before.

The situation was the Relief Society Salad Social, when no one knew I was pregnant yet, and I was sucking in till my sides ached. I sat down and literally had to not only unbutton my cute cargo pants, but fully unzip them as well.  Didn't know how I was gonna get out of there with my clothes on.  Well, before I stood up, I had to reveal that "I am expecting, please don't mind me getting up and flashing you all a great big belly while I do up my pants again..."

Problem #2:
How do you cover up that you're gaining weight faster than a speeding bullet?
Well, it's certainly NOT by wearing "control-top" anything.

So, I'm sitting in sacrament meeting with two little kids on my lap and two other kids surrounding me. I'm shuffling about in my seat, tugging at my skirt, pulling things into place, yet I feel like there's a boa constrictor around my midsection, and it's not a snake and its not the two children on my lap.  It's the dang control top undies I put on to suck everything in and make me look "normal". Well, I'm looking anything but normal as I fidget during the sacrament. Finally I can't take it anymore, the boa is about to win, so I bolt up, dash for the door with a baby in arms and one kid tugging at my skirt behind me, make it to the bathroom in time to yank off those nasty tighties so I can breathe and not get a cramp anymore. Then discreetly wadded up the nasties and stuck them under the baby as I carried him back to my seat.
No more control-anythings!

I am constantly sweating like a pig and roasting in my clothes.

Sorry fashion police, but my big baggy mesh shorts that I've had for over five years and worn solely for yard work purposes are becoming my staple wardrobe. In fact, where can I get more of these unsightly mesh looks-like-they-came-from-the-men's-dept. shorts, especially so late in the summer??

I guess I'm just going to have to deal with the fact that nothing will make me look cute and thin and in-shape.... For goodness sakes, I'm pregnant!!!!!


connie stauffer said...

The sports stores have the shorts you're describing. I've felt your pain and never was able to articulate it with such clever wit. Cute blog! This too shall pass, and . . . well, you know the rest. :)

krista atkinson said...

I LOVE YOU! ;) BTW - I have NEVER seen you look anything less than cute, usually you are on the verge of super model, pregnant men's dept. mesh shorts or not.