Tuesday, January 18, 2011

We're Halfway There...Living on a Prayer...If You've Ever Been Pregnant...

First, who the heck coined the term "morning sickness?" The term should be "the-24/7-4-month-stomach-flu!" Try feeling like crap all the time, and wanting nothing but to lay on the couch and go to sleep for about 4 months until that gagging pit in your stomach goes away. (At least I found my new BFF Phenergan this go round.)

Then there's that smell! Every yummy scent of baking that I used to put in my Scentsy or plug in my Wallflower makes my stomach acid churn. Why do all the good scents have to make me feel pukey?! And where can I get the scent of salty green olives??

Then there's the perpetual indigestion to deal with. While I may not be high-tailing it to the potty to puke, I feel like my innards are growling, grumbling, gurggling, churning, trying to figure out which way is up or down, or exploding for 9 months. Not pleasant, and no amount of maalox or gas-x makes it go away. Seems like eating momentarily takes the discomfort away...but then I'm always eating, then I overdo it, then I'm suffering more... What?!

And who the heck knew about pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel syndrome? My hands go numb and tingly every night about 100 times, then again during the day when I do too much with my hands (like my hair, folding laundry, doing dishes, crafts, typing, blog-surfing, pretty much everything I do all day.) Seriously?!

Then my body basically looks like a friekin' cheese factory - ricotta, cottage, curd, crumbled, well-aged...CHEESE!! Number 4 is a body-killer! Exclamation point. I wear clothes if they pass the test: "can I hide the back rolls with that shirt?" or "do I have just one baby bump, or two, or three, with those pants?" or "do I look like a cute pregnant lady or a water balloon in this outfit?"

Exercise becomes a matter of improving circulation instead of shedding calories. It's all I can do to walk just over "cool down" speed on my treadmill for 30 minutes. Especially when I have to hop off to go pee twice, and take a water break in the middle. (And of course tend to kids needing me the whole time.)

Sleep alludes me. I'm only halfway there, yet I'm already as big as I was at delivery the last 3 times. I have to take a deep breath and swing my belly to the side when changing positions at night, my hips are killing me, reflux burns my throat, I have to keep shaking my hands out, and I just have a hard time sleeping period. Dude. Is it too soon to be saying "Get this thing outta me!?"

As I approach the halfway mark of this parasitical phenomenon, I just had to unload all I've been ruminating over during this great (big) event. If you have ever been pregnant, you know what I'm saying. If you haven't been blessed with child-carrying, then please don't mistake my grumblings as ingratitude, for nothing is furthur from the truth. I am 100% grateful to be a mother, over and over - it loses none of its charm. It simply gains - a lot...

7 comments:

Joni said...

You are so funny Andrea, you should really think about writing a book someday. You looked really good when I saw you. I agree #4 makes your body hurt. Good luck!

Krista said...

You kill me! You are simply one of the most beautiful people I know - pregnant or not. I think that when you look like a pregnant super-model you deserve some cottage cheese (and I don't mean to eat.) I wish that all of your other ailments would go away though. Love you so much!

Mark and Heather said...

I'm so glad you put all of this misery into words! I am right there with you! #4 is miserable! I have 2 weeks to go and my ginormous belly does not allow me to stand up or walk so much. Just think of the "cheese" as maternal fat stores necessary to feed the baby. It will go away some day! Are you still nauseated? Did you try Zofran? There's a new thing called PrimaBella that is a wrist band that send pulses to your brain and regulates the stomach. I bought one and it didn't work for me, but I was also on IV therapy for hyperemesis. Just some ideas! Good luck and congrats!

Evie said...

And yet you can still make us all laugh, and look beautiful despite feeling like crap! You are almost there,my philosophy is; the sicker you get when you are prego, the cuter the kid comes out. Your kids are darling so there is some proof, the dimples will be well worth it in the end.(no not rear end dimples;))

connie9548 said...

Where have I been? I didn't even know you were expecting. You sure make it sound fun and I want a do-over. NOT! Good luck. Half-way there is good. The last half is the best actually. At least that was my experience. I have to say, I enjoyed the full nine months minus maybe the first six weeks.

Thanks for sharing your blog. I love it! I could keep from peeking at the other posts. You have a gift.

Matt and Liz said...

Okay, you crack me up! How funny are you?! BTW, I don't think you look like a cheesecake factory! You are beautiful, and I really mean that! Apparently you need to call me to fold some of those clothes for you so that carpal tunnel can go away! Hang in there, and let me help you. ;) You have my phone number now, so use it!

Amanda said...

This was a very good post for me to read for two reasons- #1. It reminded me that even if someone looks totally hot and great on the outside- which you totally do- they might be feeling bad and tired and pukey on the inside. #2. It also reminded me how much I HATE being pregnant and that I should be really happy with the three I have because I felt like you described with all three of my kids and it sucked. Here are some really good vibes for a fast and fun rest of your pregnancy. You are the cutest mom ever and that baby is dang lucky!!!