Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Hard Criminal

Seriously, how long does it take to get your kids into the car?

You'd think that 15 minutes would do. I remember pre-kid days when it took 15 seconds - simple matter. But oooohhhh no... It's like as soon as I mention "Get in the car," everyone scatters and immediately goes psycho, refuses to put socks & shoes on, and runs anywhere but out the door!! It takes at least half an hour... with my own 3 kids, which is why I am LATE every week to church. Today, the additional mix (basically the equivalent of 2 sets of twins) puts it over the time limit.

So that leads into my story of Day One:

Kids are hyper, excited to be together and having a sleepover.

12:00 rolls around, time to get going for the school drop-off run. Of course, due to aforementioned reasons, we're rolling out barely in the nick of time, and I'm flustered. I accidentally miss Owen's school turn, so I'm stressed even more. I skip it & drop off two pre-schoolers, then turn around to head back to the school I missed...

Police lights start flashing behind me.....

I'm already at the elementary school, so I figure I might as well turn into the parking lot - that oughta be a good place for the cop to pull me over. I never drop off kids for kindergarten, as Jordan gets bussed, so I don't know how it works. There's apparently a drop-off lane, and of course it is FULL. So I'm driving the strip with this cop flashing behind me and shaking his head quite visibly at me... I see an open spot and pull in. Owen's late and trying to open his door, but the child-lock prevents him. I start getting out to let him out, and Mr. Policeman gets on his MICROPHONE and announces to the entire elementary school (parents, kids at recess, etc) "Stay in the car, and pull forward so I can park behind you." Oh man. What did I DO? I'm thinking he's going to handcuff me and search my car for drugs or something!

He saunters up to my car, and I just have to ask him if I can get this boy out of my car & off to kindergarten. He's thinking I'm a crazy lady by now. I get Owen off, and Mr. Policeman briskly tells (orders?) me to get back in my car before he'll talk to me. Oh crap. He's really irate at me, and I don't even know WHY!

So, apparently I turned the wrong way out of the preschool parking lot. That's it. WHAT?!! Are you freakin' kidding me that you 1) actually pulled me over for this, and 2) used your LOUD microphone to command me in front of an entire school!?!? Why me??? I lose it and am bawling near hysterically.
After running me through the records (and the mud,) he lets me go with a safety warning (and an almost-ticket for having an expired insurance card on me - he's nailing me for anything, I swear.) I am absolutely humiliated and sobbing and want to fall into a hole, but instead I have to turn around in the car and explain through tears to my bewildered Jordan & Bella that police officers are nice and help people, lest they heaven forbid fear them.

SHEESH! I know I need to obey the law of the land and turn "right only" at that particular stop sign out of that particular parking lot, but I swear I'm not a hard criminal!

So I came home and made and ate nearly an entire strawberry coconut trifle. I'll post the recipe later.
For now, I need to go get 4 kids chapstick, water, lizards, lotion, another movie........ because they WON'T GO TO SLEEP!! (Hence, the "enemies of sleep.")


Krista said...

This post reminds me why I miss having you a few doors down. Not many people can take the simple task of school drop off and turn it into one of the funniest stories I have ever heard!

Jane said...

Oh my gosh, what an adventure! I agree with Krista. This is going to be an entertaining week of reading.

Burts said...

Andrea, you wear that criminal badge with pride girlfriend. You should have asked him to haul you away for a night in jail.....then you could have returned home the next day refreshed!!! :)

Anonymous said...

Oh My Goodness Andrea!!!! That is so sad...what a nightmare. (And I would have been mortified, you are awesome and handled it way better than I would have!!!) Yes, do share your trifle recipe, yum yum! Let me know what I can do to help in any way. :)

Joni said...

Oh my gosh, you are too funny.

I'm so sorry, what a day!

Crystal said...

Wow Andrea that is an awesome story!! I'm so sorry what an awful day. I would say that your neice and nephew's parents owe you BIG TIME!!! I hate the whole getting in the car process too. Hopefully it will get easier when their older??