Monday, January 20, 2014

What "BED-REST" Really Means

What's going on?
34+ weeks pregnant, I've been on quote bed rest for the last month.

What got me here?
Constant preterm contractions, from early on, but intensifying throughout this third trimester. Made ridiculously worse by any attempts to go to the store, or anywhere that involves walking, ha! There were a couple of times I seriously thought I was going to drop a baby in the aisles of SAMs club or Walmart, and I literally couldn't walk around the store, having to cut right down the middle and get through the checkout pronto.

What I fear?
My last baby was born 4+ weeks early because I went into early labor, but this time the contractions have come even earlier.  My baby had to be transferred hospitals to be in a NICU where he could get surfactant. So I sat in one hospital recovering from a c-section while he laid in another hospital on all sorts of basic life support, and it was agonizing for me to be totally separated from my newborn. Having to obtain a couple hours of hospital leave to go see him because I was still a patient on my own is totally insane. Having to pump and try to get my milk supply in, and transfer every little drop I got to his hospital, near impossible.

What's the goal?
37 weeks.

What I do?
Sit or lie down as much as possible all day and night, while taking care of 4 kids and a household. Hahaha!  It's a very frustrating game of doing as little as possible while wanting so much to be back to normal and able to do it all, yet having to let everything slide off my plate and even watching others take on some responsibilities. I am soooo ready for this to be over. It's a mental battle of just wanting this baby out now, but knowing that she is much better off staying in for at least a few more weeks...

What I am grateful for?
Simply AMAZING family and friends and neighborhood, who have done more than I could ever ask for and have humbled and inspired me. From doing my grocery shopping to bringing over meals, from hosting my sister's baby shower for me to taking one of my eager kids to church with them, from picking up the school carpool to sending a bag of boredom busters for my kids to stay entertained, from making curtains and a blanket for the baby's room to folding all our laundry, and all the countless offers to do so much more for me... I am soooooo deeply grateful and moved by the love and generosity extended to me and my family lately.  You people are simply incredible! It is so humbling to be in the recipient's shoes, and it brings me to tears to think of how much service has been offered to my little family to help me out. Thank you, I LOVE you!

Friday, December 20, 2013

The Santa Clause

I love the movie The Santa Clause, and this year I find myself identifying with Tim Allen's character:

"Does this look like a little weight to you? I've gained 45 pounds in a week! What's happening to me?"

"Bee sting. Evidently I'm allergic."

"There was a chemical fire at the dry cleaners and all my clothes went up in smoke, so I don't have anything that fits."

"I'll have a Caesar. No dressing. And one of those homemade cookies, the warm chocolate chip. No nuts. And a little slice of cheesecake. Uh, crème brulee, and, um, hot fudge sundae, extra hot fudge... On the side."

Hilarious movie, makes me feel right at home! Apparently I'm just morphing into Santa Claus. Makes sense now!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Rolling Along

Lately I feel as though my only purpose in life is to merely survive until February comes and this baby can get out of me.  It sounds so heartless and ungrateful, which I am not, but I just can't keep up with anything or anyone, and I am quite useless in my realm of home these days.  I think if I were just put into a sleep coma for two months, then woke up when the baby is born, I could finally start to function again.  My kids need their mommy back, and poor Erik needs me back to myself again!

As for now, I suppose I will continue to roll around my home and shuffle through traffic and stores and dr.'s appointments, until it is time for this baby to be born.

Bah-Humbug!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Just another morning... kind of

This morning I had a doctor's appointment. My kids are off track so they are all 4 home. Here is a run down of how things went...

Two kids were playing Minecraft (the game that sucks the life out of them and leaves hollow zombies in its place). A fight ensues, with kicking and scratching, both are crying and screaming. I tell them they're done and I have nothing else to say, they did it to themselves.
One kid says "I'm hungry, go to the store and get donuts!"
"Sorry, I don't have time, I am trying to get dressed to go to the doctor.  Pepere (my dad) is coming over to babysit you so be good."
"I'm hungry!"
I throw in pop tarts and toast.
I run upstairs, throw on some clothes.
Little man wakes up coughing and crying.
Pepere enters the door, things pop out of the toaster, kids want their food NOW.
Little man is now screaming because he clues in that I'm leaving.
Bella demands that I do her hair, I say I don't have time, she starts crying about her hair, so I grab a brush in one hand and butter in the other for her toast. She wants sugar and cinnamon too, I try to not sprinkle cinnamon on her hair as I multitask.
I pour chocolate milk into at least three cups, but I'm not counting.  My dad stands helpless as I slam the fridge shut, open the pantry, slam the pantry shut, open the fridge, dump, pour, sprinkle, all with a pretend smile on my face.
I haven't done my makeup and my eyes are puffy and baggy, revealing my sleep difficulties.
I pick up screaming flailing little man and realize his diaper has leaked and he is soaked with pee. Lay him down, change him, sit him at the counter naked and wailing. Run upstairs for clothes for him, run downstairs and slap them on him.
My dad is still standing there helpless.
I get four kids their breakfast and tell my dad to just make sure they don't kill each other fighting, oh and have fun everyone!
I grab my makeup bag and purse, and run out the door to the car. Whoops, I forgot my shoes and my car keys, run back in. Baby is screaming and starts choking on his food, I run over and he is gagging up mucus from his cold, mixed with pop tart. My poor dad says"is he ok?" I grab a napkin and extract the goo, clean him up, tell oldest child she's in charge of making little man happy, and run out the door again. This time I have my flip flops on, even though it's 35 degrees outside. I'm in a hot sweat anyway. Little man is still wailing as I close the door behind me. And the kids are playing Minecraft again. Oh well, we will see if they survive.
Sit in the car in the garage to do some makeup, a moment of quiet to put on at least eye liner to fake looking like I'm awake.
Get to doctors office, there's no close spot so I have to park way down the row, get out and hike to the building, laughing that I actually made it. Then I get in and get weighed and find out I've broken the dastardly 200 mark. I wouldn't normally share this fact, but it's so honestly overwhelming and real that I figure women need to know they're not alone if they hit this point. I tell the nurse I will pay her a dollar to write down 199, she just laughs and doesn't.
I see my doctor and tell her "I'm done. Don't know if I can make it to February. "
Hahaha because what choice do I have at this point?!
She laughs and asks if I'm still exercising. I tell her no, I've given up. She understands, she's had four babies herself, which is one reason I like her.  I vow to not gain any more weight for the remainder of my pregnancy (that's at least 16 weeks more.)
I walk out to my car on the far side of the parking lot thinking, I guess I needed to park clear out here, in fact I should probably just walk home.
I contemplate taking the day off from being a mom and not driving home just then, but remember my poor dad is at home with my four freaking out kids. I have pity and go home, to find that miracles do happen, they are all contentedly playing together and dad has done the dishes and vacuumed. Wow. Ok I can handle this for now...

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Motherhood Maternity Fiasco

If you've ever been to Motherhood Maternity clothing store in the mall, you know it's a small, narrow shop, the kind that's clearly not built for strollers or kids of any kind. The kind of store where the design reflects that they probably figure pregnant women will come in alone because it's not in the least bit interesting for kids or husbands.

It was a Friday after school, I had just taken my 4 kids to Build-A-Bear workshop to fulfill a back to school tradition started years ago when my oldest started school, as a fun kick off to the new school year. Fast forward a bunch of years and stuffed animals later, it is now a money drain, but the kids look forward to it so much that the tradition is worth the cost. But I digress.

I walk into Motherhood Maternity, with 4 kids stomping beside me, hugging their new adorable decked out Build-A-Bears, pushing a double stroller overflowing with 4 of those ginormous cardboard boxes that are the "homes" of the Build-A-Bear animals, leaving no room for actual people to sit in the stroller.

As soon as we enter the narrow clothing store, trouble begins. The kids are wound up and hungry, the snacks I brought don't cut it. They start chasing each other through the clothes racks, which are so close together I can barely walk between them myself. Clothes gets knocked down while they run around, and my 2 year old thinks its pretty funny to throw piles of matching shirts off the shelving displays onto the floor.

I collect an armload of clothes to try on and go into the dressing room, which is nothing but a small curtained off fitting area located directly across from the cash register, don't know who designed that. And the curtain does nothing for me, as my 4 kids keep swishing it aside and running in and out of my stall. Sorry people in the store who have to see that. I tell them to stop and sit outside the stall on the floor and be quiet. Famous last words.

My 7 yr old son starts sobbing that this is the worst place I've ever taken him to, he's so bored and my daughter keeps pushing him. My 5 yr old daughter is screaming that she's getting picked on by the older two, and can we go now. My 2 year old keeps throwing his new stuffed puppy around and losing it, then crying. My 9 yr old daughter, who gets ornery when she's hungry, is being mean and cranky, until she finds the stuffed belly pillow in the fitting room, the kind that pregnant ladies strap onto their bellies to see how clothes will fit when they're nine months pregnant. I don't need to try on this belly bump because I know what size I will be at nine months pregnant... HUGE. My daughter thinks its hilarious to put it on under her shirt and prance around. It just scares the heck out of me, to see my 9 yr old girl playing pregnant!

Finally the kids are causing such noise and turmoil, I say the worst thing I can think of...
"You are making all the pregnant ladies in this store not want to have a baby anymore!"

Ok maybe I over-reacted, I admit.  I hastily exit the fitting room, still wearing the comfy maternity pants I just tried on, and apologize profusely to the gals at the register as I ring up and buy my stuff, including of course the pants on my legs.

I realize then and there, "Who on earth brings their FOUR little kids, all under the age of ten, into a maternity store!" Four kids AND four build a bears AND four of those jumbo build a bear boxes...

 I swear people are looking at me saying in their minds,
"...and she's pregnant AGAIN?!"
Yes, I am.
And I will never again take four kids to Motherhood Maternity, thank you very much!


Monday, September 16, 2013

La-La-LOOPY

What do you get when you cross a pregnant woman with a nasty head and chest cold?  Throw in fever, sinus infection, cold medicine (medically approved, of course), antibiotics, trouble sleeping, constant hacking and nose blowing, and total fatigue??  Add on toddler TV commercial for La-La-Loopsy (because let's be honest, Nick Jr on TV is a sick exhausted mother's best friend)...

A very La-La-LOOPY pregnant lady!!!

(Made slightly more tolerable by therapeutic drive-thru McD's large French fries and diet coke, haha!)


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Little Rays of Sunshine in the Thunderstorm

I have been searching for the little rays of sunshine in the thunderstorm of pregnancy.

I realize that I focus a lot on all the hard things about being pregnant, making fun of them to make myself laugh. So today, I am listing the positives of pregnancy, my little bits of happiness and joy that help me cope with all the rest.

Ten Rays of Sunshine:

1) Feeling the baby move. Nothing on earth is as amazing as that. Nothing. I wish I could feel it from day one, every tiny little squiggle and flip and flop and hiccup and kick and wave and roll...  oooooh, I can't wait to feel this baby, just another week or two...

2) Finding out what the baby is, boy or girl. This makes the baby become a real person with an identity, in my opinion. And makes it FUN to plan! I still want to blog about this, so I'm holding off announcing it.

3) Shopping for baby stuff, yes I get thrills from shopping! Absolutely! Most fun ever!

4) Decorating the nursery, much like shopping, it is way too much fun.

5) Ultrasounds. Nothing beats seeing the baby, the reason for all the hard stuff. So intensely personal, utterly amazing, and very relieving to see a healthy little person in there.

6) Taking a looooong break from so called dieting. What can I say, I really love those Kneaders cinnamon rolls and French toast. Don't like so much what they do to my body, but they certainly satisfy my pregnant tummy!

7) Hearing the heartbeat, never gets old. I nearly feel like crying every time.

8) Excitement and anticipation is in the air. My kids are sooooo excited about having a new baby!  It really creates a lot of fun in our home.

9) Pregnancy is a miracle. Every second of every day, a new life is forming. Absolutely incredible. I have never felt so close to God as when I am pregnant. It is an intensely spiritual experience.

10) Having the baby. Of course, the reason for it all.

Now I shall have to read this list of ten rays of sunshine every day to get me through the next five months!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Cramping My Style

What in the world are pregnant women supposed to wear to feel comfy yet cool and stylish???

Problem #1:
Everything in the closet is too tight.
My so called comfy pants and exercise pants are my number one go-to article of clothing, everyday, anyday. However, they now sport dimples and bulges, and every time I sit down I either can't breathe or feel like I'm going to hurl. So I sit around with my hand in my waistband, pulling my pants outwards. And these include my "fat pants" from pregnancies before.

The situation was the Relief Society Salad Social, when no one knew I was pregnant yet, and I was sucking in till my sides ached. I sat down and literally had to not only unbutton my cute cargo pants, but fully unzip them as well.  Didn't know how I was gonna get out of there with my clothes on.  Well, before I stood up, I had to reveal that "I am expecting, please don't mind me getting up and flashing you all a great big belly while I do up my pants again..."

Problem #2:
How do you cover up that you're gaining weight faster than a speeding bullet?
Well, it's certainly NOT by wearing "control-top" anything.

So, I'm sitting in sacrament meeting with two little kids on my lap and two other kids surrounding me. I'm shuffling about in my seat, tugging at my skirt, pulling things into place, yet I feel like there's a boa constrictor around my midsection, and it's not a snake and its not the two children on my lap.  It's the dang control top undies I put on to suck everything in and make me look "normal". Well, I'm looking anything but normal as I fidget during the sacrament. Finally I can't take it anymore, the boa is about to win, so I bolt up, dash for the door with a baby in arms and one kid tugging at my skirt behind me, make it to the bathroom in time to yank off those nasty tighties so I can breathe and not get a cramp anymore. Then discreetly wadded up the nasties and stuck them under the baby as I carried him back to my seat.
No more control-anythings!

Problem#3:
I am constantly sweating like a pig and roasting in my clothes.

Sorry fashion police, but my big baggy mesh shorts that I've had for over five years and worn solely for yard work purposes are becoming my staple wardrobe. In fact, where can I get more of these unsightly mesh looks-like-they-came-from-the-men's-dept. shorts, especially so late in the summer??

I guess I'm just going to have to deal with the fact that nothing will make me look cute and thin and in-shape.... For goodness sakes, I'm pregnant!!!!!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Laundry

How is it that I can't stand the SMELL of freshly cleaned laundry?!?! 

I used to LOVE and relish the scent of clean laundry, like I literally would bury my nose inside the clean clothes coming out of the dryer and inhale deeply, smiling with satisfaction.  I seriously could've been a Tide laundry detergent model and gotten paid to do commercials. It was one of my favorite scents.

Not anymore.  Even the laundry turns my stomach the wrong way.  I cant walk past or into the laundry room without grimacing, and its not from the dirty clothes, its from the detergent!  

As if dirty clothes and stinky socks and wet old towels would smell any better if I decided to just never wash them??
No, no they wouldn't.... But I seriously had to think about that before I answered.  

Goodbye downy unstoppables, liquid tide detergent, and dryer fresheners! Hello bland scent-less, yet clean, laundry.

Laundry has always been the bain of my existence as a mother at home.  Piling high, never ending baskets upon baskets of dirty and clean (I do somehow manage to separate the dirty piles from the clean piles though, you just have to pick the right pile.). But now its gone to a whole new level of disarray and contempt.

And the laundry is about to increase...

Monday, September 2, 2013

What is that SMELL????!!!!

It starts...

You wake up one morning and suddenly can't stand the smell of your husband's cologne/aftershave/deodorant.  Gasping for breath after the traditional good morning good-bye hug, you run to the window and throw it open for some fresh air.  Except it's already 80 degrees outside and the stifling hot air causes your stomach to churn even more...  So you shut the window and run to the thermostat and crank the AC up for a blast of cold air, then run out of the room to a room on the far side of the house where the smell of whatever hubby sprayed all over the bathroom cannot reach you.

Later, you decide to take a shower.  But for some totally foreign reason which you can't comprehend, you can't stand hot water on your body.  Maybe it creates too much mugginess in the air of the shower? Whatever, it makes you want to puke.  So you take a tepid lukewarm shower, shaving your legs over goosebumps and getting major razor burn.

When you shampoo your hair, the smell of your shampoo hits your nostrils and the gagging starts, so you hold your breath until you nearly pass out, then hold it again until you're done shampooing and conditioning your hair.  Then you exit the shower and hastily run out of the room, continuing to gag because your own shampoo smell is too thick in the bathroom air.

Then you put on lotion.  Oops, that one is WAAAAAAAAAY too strong.  Hop in shower again and rinse lotion off.  Hop out of shower and deal with dry skin.

Then you brush your teeth, and almost gag at the taste of the old toothpaste.  And since you'll be brushing your teeth five times a day to get rid of gagging food breath, this isn't going to work.

Time to go shopping and buy totally new mildly scented shampoo, conditioner, bodywash, lotion, deodorant, and a new flavor of toothpaste.

*personal tip - I stick with lightly coconut scented things, thankfully I can handle that (for now.)

Now it's time to change out every Scentsy plug-in candle scent in the house.  Wait, not grapefruit or citrus scented (which used to be my absolute favorite)!  Try something new.  Hate it, remove it immediately, put something else in...  trial and error.  Cinnamon might work..... for this minute.

And what about the Bath and Body Works hand soap and sanitizer your purchased not even a month ago?  Donate it or chuck it. 

Now it's time to make lunch for the kids.  Oh for the love of food, do NOT bring that packet of Ramen noodle seasoning anywhere near me!  Microwave popcorn too, ugh!   Puke-ville.  Flavored chips, nope.  Pepperoni, gross!  All right kids, grab whatever you want out of the pantry and go eat it outside!

Dinner is a new can of worms, hop in the car we're going through McD's drive-up...  again... for the 7th time this week...

I think I need a noseplug.